Oh, just another day.

It's looking something like Spring outside. I feel like there should be a question mark at the end of that sentence, really, because it's overcast now and not even all that warm. This has to be, by far, the most let-down of a spring I've ever seen in Seattle. By now we usually have some tan lines and have gotten to stash our coats away until October. But not so in 2008. It looks like it could be a long time before the season really picks up. Kind of like Narnia: always winter but never Christmas.

And yet we make the best of things. We freeze our toes off in sandals and have BBQ's on Sundays and plan picnics (and then cancel them). So here's to May: 63 degrees and cloudy!

Streams in my desert.

It has been a while since I've written, mostly because I feel that it it pointless right now for me to type out my life for the world, or no one, to read. But I read the devotional from Streams in the Desert for today, April 19th, and it was fabulously appropriate. So here it is:

Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. (Exodus 14:13)

This verse contains God's command to me as a believer for those times when I am confronted with dire circumstances and extraordinary difficulties. What am I to do when I cannot retreat or go forward and my way is blocked to the right and to the left?

The Master's word to me is, "Stand firm." And the best thing I can do at these times is to listen only to my Master's word, for others will come to me with their suggestions and evil advice. Despair will come whispering, "Give up - lie down and and die." But even in the worst of times, God would have me be cheerful and courageous, rejoicing in His love and faithfulness.

Cowardice will come and say, "You must retreat to the world's ways of acting, It is too difficult for you to continue living the part of a Christian. Abandon your principles." Yet no matter how much Satan may pressure me to follow his course, I cannot, for I am a child of God. The Lord's divine decree has commanded me to go from "strength to strength" (Ps. 84:7). Therefore I will, and neither death nor hell will turn me from my course. And if for a season He calls me to "stand firm," I will acknowledge it as time to renew my strength for greater strides in the future.

Impatience will come, crying, "Get up and do something! To 'stand firm' and wait is sheer idleness." Why is it that I must be doing something right now instead of looking to the Lord? He will not only do something - He will do everything.

Arrogance will come, boasting, "If the sea is blocking your way, march right into it and expect a miracle." Yet true faith never listens to arrogance, impatience, cowardice, or despair but only hears God saying, "Stand firm," And then it stands as immovable as a rock.

"Stand firm." I must maintain the posture of one who stands, ready for action, expecting further orders, and cheerfully and patiently awaiting the Director's voice. It will not be long until God will say to me, as distinctly as He told Moses to tell the children of Isreal, "Move one" (Ex. 14:15).

-Charles H. Spurgeon

Asleep where we do dream things true...

It feels like my breathing still has not returned to normal after waking up from dreams that felt far too much like reality to be easily accepted as mere thoughts in my brain. Just last night I was having a conversation about dreams with my parents - about what they could possibly be - since there is no solid facts proving just what dreams are and where exactly they come from. I have heard many times that they are just excess thoughts that our brain throws out during the night in order to "discard" them or clear up space in our mental hard drive. But I have a hard time believing that such vivid, imaginative, and sometimes frightening things could simply be thoughts that my brain needs to "toss out".

And then my Dad, who has read just about every science fiction novel ever written, said, in a somewhat joking manner, "When we dream we're no longer in this universe but we enter into a whole other realm altogether". I knew he was mostly kidding, he's no New Ager, but I couldn't help but agree quite solemnly that that is the only plausible answer I've ever heard. I do think that dreams are far more spiritual than cerebral. Just think back to the stories about people's dreams in the Bible. They were not taken lightly and dismissed as "random thoughts" but every once in a while someone had a dream that was so significant that it foretold the future for an entire nation! Not to say that back then every dream that was dreamt by a person, sleeping, had great meaning or profundity, but surely those records are proof that dreams and spirituality are deeply intertwined.

Last night I dreamt about war. I now know the heart-pounding fear that is present when living in a war-torn country. Oddly enough, though, my dream took place right here in Seattle. I started out walking down Pine St. towards the waterfront with a few close friends, and although when we left Capitol Hill there was no evidence of anything destructive taking place, we were soon shocked and terrified to see that the downtown buildings were bombed-out, busses had suffered great explosions, and people were lying dead in the street and on the sidewalks. It was chaos. Blood painted the pavement red and bodies had been turned inside out. Someone, some savagely violent group of people, was not going to stop until the devastation was absolute.

Trying to put this picture into words is difficult because in my awake state I have not the creativity or vocabulary to accurately portray the utter havoc that took place in my dream. I felt scared. I felt so many things that I have never felt in my waking life. It was a war and I was in the midst of it, frightened for my life, that I would be the next victim of a careless shotgun.

We finally made it safely down the filthy street to what I thought would be the same waterfront that has always bordered the Seattle city limits - ports and mountains in the distance, ferry boats carrying passengers to their islands. But when we arrived it was like a giant promenade had been built and looking outward the Puget Sound had become a vast ocean that smashed against the concrete barrier on which we now stood. The sun, sinking low but trying desperately to give light through the black clouds, made the ocean look even more forebearing and black itself. It churned and laughed at us as if to say, "You thought you survived that mess in the city? Now try to escape from my merderous waters!" It jeered at us and we knew there was no hope.

The dream did not end there, but it would take hours to write all the details. It was, overall, a dream that I hope never comes true. The only glimpse of hope in it at all was the friends I had around me; We protected each other and sheltered each other from the falling rubble. Had I been alone in the dream I don't doubt I would never have even made it to see the water - what felt like the end of the earth.

My dream doesn't prove anything about what dreams are or where they come from, it just felt significant enough for me to attempt to open up discussion about dreams with other people who, like me, wake up every morning, or in the middle of the night, and think, "Wow, what just happened?", because not everyone is fortunate enough to remember where they have been in that "other universe" that we slip into during sleep.

If you would, share with me your opinions about dreams - what do you think makes them so crazy or noteworthy? Everyone loves hearing about people's dreams. Like my best friend Nicole unfailingly asks me when we see each other in the morning: What were your dreams last night?

Flickr

Okay, I know that about 2 people look at my blog, but if you two are interested I put up a bunch of my lomographs on Flickr today! I plan on getting a nice digital camera in the near future, so when that happens I'll really be posting a lot on Flickr, but the old film stuff will have to do for now. Here is the URL: www.flickr.com/caitlynimpson

I really love taking pictures. Something about capturing little moments and even making ordinary things seem like beautiful images makes me excited. Especially with film, because you really never know how it's going to turn out until you get the film developed. None of this looking at the back of the camera as soon as you shoot nonsense. :) Although instant gratification is fun, too. Trust me, I'm an impatient person!

I hope you enjoy the photos!

The keys to my heart.

Sometime within the next year or two (preferably sooner rather than later) I really want to get a piano. Do I have room for a piano? Absolutely not. But that won't stop me. I guess I'll have to convince my parents that they want to squeeze it in at their townhouse or something. I told myself that the next place I lived I HAD to get a piano, but now I'm back in the teeny tiny studio and things aren't looking good in terms of space.

I just need to play again. I used to make such amazing music - just with my ten little fingers! How incredible. And now I'm sure I've forgotten half of what I used to know, but I can relearn it. I've been listening to some very nice piano music lately and it's been very inspiring. I'll never be a great pianist or anything, but knowing that I can sit down and touch little keys and create beautiful sounds makes me squirm inside. I just love it. I love making music.

Tears.

I've cried a lot of very big, grown-up tears in the past few days. Tears that stream down my cheeks and follow the curve of my lips until I taste the salt in the corner of my mouth. Tears that make my eyes lose focus and shake even when I've stopped crying. Tears shed because I feel so utterly blank, so cold, so hurt.

Sometimes grown-ups cry bitterly like children, only there is far more pain behind them, making them all the worse. I will not share the reason for my tears, but if you've ever hurt so badly that you couldn't eat for days and you feel as scared as you did as a young child when you thought your parents lost you in the grocery store, you know what I'm feeling right now. It is horrible. Please pray.

In two places at once...

I am getting so tired of the moving process, and we still have a long way to go. And very, very, very, little time! I intend to stay put at the studio for many eons, for I am not a fan of uprooting my life, packing it all in reusable Whole Foods bags, driving to the other side of the city, and unpacking it, only to repeat that step two dozen more times. What I really want is a stable, organized, well-maintained little living space that is comfortable and which I can really call home. And that's what the studio is when it all comes down to it. I've lived there (minus a year elsewhere) for 3 years now. It's a friendly place, with nice people, low home-owners dues, and fresh pretty paint. I have a white kitchen, a new sofa, and a warm, 80-year old radiator. What more could a person want?

Let me tell you, we are going to have such a HUGE celebration when all of this is over! Not that anyone reads my blog anyway, but to those of you who are reading it, party next week! Come celebrate the new old studio where I will stay for the rest of eternity, because I hate moving boxes. :)